PRAISE AND PARALYSIS

SIDE EFFECTS

I experienced a number of changes in my mind and body that I want to document here: 1.Blindness 2.Paresthesia 3. Bladder 4. Mental Changes 5. Sensation

The first is blindness in the left field of both eyes (homonomous Hemianopsia) due to the removal of the Occipital lobe. I did go to eye therapy to gain new skills neccesary for reading. My eyes don't "track" well. I don't see the left margin so it's hard to find the right line to read. Therapy helped a lot. I do more reading now than ever before, but the missing peripheral vision is dangerous. People can sneak up on my left side and I don't know they're there.Crossing busy streets is difficult. I'm always afraid a car is in my blindspot so I use scanning techniques.

Second, is an incessant itchy paresthesia on the left side of my head and body. I thought I had contracted a skin disease like eczema until a dermatologist checked me and found nothing,but intimated it could be and probably is a paresthesia from the encephalitis. The best way I've found to explain it is:it's only a sensation that has no reason for existence.Similar in this extent to the phantom pain some amputees experience.Oddly, scratching seems to help.

Third, a continual urge to urinate independant of fluid intake. It feels like a persistant and very localized contraction of the urethra,but is a result of the missing cerebral cortex which provides the inhibitory response to the call of the bladder. I don't think there is a solution to this side effect. This is by far more annoying than the other side effects!

You can scratch an itch,but?..

Fourth, mental changes:1. Major Depression,2. recent diagnosis of a Serotonin imbalance and Obsessive Compulsive Persomality Disorder. I noticed I was thinking all the time. That little voice was nonstop. I had an opinion formed on everything! At first, I blamed the hemispherectomy. After admitting myself to the hospital for depression I was diagnosed with OCD Personality and a serotonin imbalance and my doctor questioned my thyroid which testing showed was hyperthyroid. Because of all these new diagnoses it is difficult to say if the hemispherectomy caused the problem or if it was a predisposed event, but after close scrutiny I honestly feel the hemispherectomy is responsible for the Serotonin Imbalance which created the depression and OCD. To me , the OCD is more disabling than the paralysis! There are psychological adjustments and changes that follow the physical changes:

I had to relearn how to do everything using only one hand instead of two. This was the hardest adjustment. There are alternative methods for everything including shoe tying,dressing,etc. Some things you have to figure out by trial and error. It is sometimes frustrating,but always challenging. I had to relearn my capabilities. I was a stranger. I lost all Self -Esteem until I redefined myself in light of the disability. I didn't know who I was. It was two separate lives with one mind and two different bodies. I guess it was an "identity crisis" of sorts? I didn't know my physical limitations so I was cautious of trying anything new. There was no instant recall of how to do things with only one hand so, at first, I just didn't try to do them. Then I realized I must now remake those memories. By forcing myself to react in all situations I've started rebuilding those memories I used to take for granted and am regaining Self-Esteem. Subconciously, I had always equated Brain and Intellect. I fully expected and anticipated a huge loss in this area. To my shock and amazement I can find no reduction or change in cognitive and intellectual abilities. I feel the hemispherectomy was therapeutic in riding myself of useless and diseased tissue that caused a horrid intractable seizure disorder.

I have a total lack of awareness of my left side due to the removal of the cortex of the right hemisphere where the Upper Motor Neurons are located. Messages traveling up the spinal tracts aren't processed by the missing brain tissue. Normally, impulses from mechanorecepters, temperature, pressure and pain receptors are sent to the pyramidal tracts in the spine up to the brain. The last stop is the cortex where the brain interprets and responds to the impulse. I have no remaining cortex on the right side. So,I have no sense of the position of the left side of my body(Proprioception). I often find my right hand holding on to the paralyzed hand in my lap. I've always questioned this. I think it's a way of completing the circuit that has been shorted. This lack of sensation is the most distinctive side effect of a hemispherectomy.At first, I thought the lack of sensation was due to the paralysis,but while doing research , I learned about Upper Motor Neurons being responsible for my perceived bladder condition. It's like batteries in a flashlight. What happens if the bulb is missing? I can feel certain pains like pinched skin. Ice packs actually hurt! My hand and shoulder ache constantly from muscle loss. I think this helps my disabled proprioception a little.

This lack of feedback from my body was the trickiest part of my physical rehab. I can't believe I learned how to walk with a cane using visual cues only,but I did! I walk everyday with an Ankle Foot Orthosis or brace and a quad cane. I'm convinced that if I could learn to walk again anyone can if they really want to. You must do your exercises everyday. It's worth it! the only reason I still use the wheelchair is: it's easier to use my hand while in the wheelchair than while holding a cane. Using the cane I can walk,but not do anything with my hand since it's busy with locomotion.

The more I learn about my body the more I see God's Perfect Wisdom and love for me displayed yet again. How can I not love him back? He's kept me fully functional with only half of a brain and not even one memory lost. My life is NOT a medical miracle it's one of God's miracles! I will thank him forever!!

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